Merry Christmas! We
have been trying extra-hard this year to have a traditional Christmas. Well, until this afternoon, when we headed to
the beach. I spent the last three days
in the kitchen, which is very normal for me.
I’ve made lasagna, 6 kinds of cookies, homemade rolls, pies, ham,
homemade baked beans, casseroles, salad, caramel popcorn, and baked and
assembled 2 gingerbread houses.
We’ve
had hot chocolate, watched the Polar Express, looked at Christmas lights and
opened presents. And it has been
wonderful. But not the same. We don’t have our ornaments or decorations, definitely
don’t need a fire in the fireplace, but most importantly, we don’t have our
family here. And “things” just don’t
seem so important this year. That’s
probably a sign that our family is moving in the right direction. And I’m going to expand on that thought for
this blog.
You see, we are still adjusting to being a missionary family. Before leaving the U.S., my husband had a
great job and we were living a spoiled life.
I had access to almost anything I could want. Furniture, clothing, restaurants, jewelry,
activities, entertainment, education, electronics, blah blah blah. And my kids were getting spoiled, too. So it is going to be a challenge to undo that
spoiling – for myself and for them.
I don’t think it’s a bad thing to have nice things. In the Old Testament, Job was blessed with
riches when he refused to turn his back on God and I believe that God continues
to bless us with earthly possessions.
But having those things makes it hard to remember that you don’t need
them. I don’t need to go to Sonic and
have a Dr. Pepper; as much as I would really truly like to do that, I don’t
NEED to. Every single day I see, with my own eyes, people that do without
things that I consider needs. Like an
oven. Or a car. Or a toothbrush. We can live without those things. But we can’t
live without God. And I know that in my
brain. But getting it through to my
flesh is a whole other struggle. Because
my flesh likes stuff. Like spring-form
pans, 800 thread count sheets, and Blue Bell Homemade Ice Cream.
Living here means we don’t have easy access to most luxury
items. I can get them if I am willing to
pay an arm and a leg or bring them here in a suitcase from the U.S., but that
little bit of distance gives me a chance to stop and think: “is it worth it? do
I really need it? can I have/do something else instead?” and that forces me to
appreciate those things more. Like the
rolling pin and pie plate that my mom-in-law sent me. I am appreciating that
pumpkin pie today.
Scottie and I prayed last week that God would give us a
Christmas joy for this season. That we
would remember that the reason we celebrate is Christ’s birth but that our kids
would also feel the magic of the Christmas season, too. Because sometimes the emotions I want to feel
aren’t always the ones that I’m feeling.
You ever felt that way? Or rather, didn’t feel the way you wanted to
feel? If you’ve ever dealt with depression, I think you can relate. Emotions
aren’t an easily managed part of life.
Sometimes my walk with Christ is like that. Following the path that God has for me isn’t
always rainbows and Happy Meals.
Sometimes God asks me to do something that I don’t want to do. And my silly human brain (or someone more
sinister) says, “Carli, if God wanted you to do that, he would make you want to do it. He would give you a deep desire and happiness about
doing it. He would make it easy and you would be happy doing it.” Well, folks, that ain’t how it works. Not all the time. Peace and happiness are two very different
things. I feel peace when I do what God
asks me to do. But I’m not always happy
about it.
There have been many days in the past 4 months that I have
not felt happy. And I am a happy
person. Seriously. I’m almost always happy. But there have only been a few moments when I
haven’t felt peace about being here. And
when I don’t feel God’s peace, I stop and pray for it. I beg for it. And I recently started praying
for the happiness, too. And I have an
inkling that God has created us that way on purpose.
My flesh wants the steps to go like this:
1) I pray and God asks me to do something
2) I feel happy about doing it and want to do it
3) I do it
4) God is happy with me for doing it
But I’m starting to realize that the steps usually go like this
instead:
1) I pray and God asks me to do something
2) I think about if I want to do it or not
3) I ask God if he really wants me to do that
because I don’t really want to
4) Sometimes God says, “yes, I really want you to
do that”
5) I try to think of a way to do it without really
doing it
6) I finally do it
7) I feel happy….that God helped me to be obedient
to Him…but not necessarily about what I did
So the moral of my story is.
Stop waiting to want to do something.
Obedience doesn’t require happiness. I enjoy teaching here. The students in my classes are a joy and blessing
to me. And I feel such privilege to be
able to teach them, to pray with them, and to be a godly example for them. That’s a big deal.
May your life be filled with blessings,
Carli
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